can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
