just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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