Do you still have your period?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I need to sanitize my soul.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
