fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
