The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
