and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize