I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize