my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
