So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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