DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
