gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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