I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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