I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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