I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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