last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
