We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Randomize