I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
