I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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