how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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