we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize