It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
