Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
