i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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