we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
