What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
