I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
