I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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