There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Randomize
