So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
