At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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