is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
