If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize