I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
