I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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