I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
