You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she looked like the before picture.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
