btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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