The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize