i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He better not be in your backpack
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
