guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
