ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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