well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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