He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
