Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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