you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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