did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
