I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
How external is "for external use only"?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
