Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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