I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
