Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Who died my cat blue again?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
