he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i think we sleep fucked last night...
This toilet bowl is my home.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
