Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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