if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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