Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
