I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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