Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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