Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just want nice things and good sex
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
