Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
