I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
you didnt know i had herpes?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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