Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
