I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
