You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
