Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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