Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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