I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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