Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
