I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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