just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i think my mom watched the whole time
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
