I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
