Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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