maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
