no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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