Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Randomize
