My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
