she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Randomize
