Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Congratulations! We have a period
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
