does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
